So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
