So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
