The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
