I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The feeling are messing with the penis
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
