I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
