He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
