I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
