Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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