just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
