So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
