I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
