i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
