Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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