Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
