I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i was born a porn star she said
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
