I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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