Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
