we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
