i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
