I love black thongs
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how do flat chested girls get laid?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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