Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
