Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
