I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
