I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
