Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
