What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
