In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Too much gin, very little bucket
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
