finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
