Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
