Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Are we still banned from the library?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
