Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
