he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
