she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i think i just lost a toe
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
