I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
