They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
