I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
