he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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