not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
