Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
