wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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