Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
