the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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