Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just want nice things and good sex
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
