im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
