I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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