Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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