I think i peed on brittanys purse
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
