I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
