you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
