omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
