Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
