Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
